Wow, I haven’t written on here since February.
I’m doing…okay. Right now I don’t really even know how to phrase the stuff I’m going thru.
I haven’t gotten the vaccine and I’m pretty down about it. I could go into all the reasons but it basically boils down to: 1.) I don’t trust how it would interact with my autoimmune disorder and 2.) We live in a place where we can isolate. I don’t go anywhere. So the whole family is waiting for now.
But that’s just the problem. I feel so fucking isolated.
I’m also struggling with gender confusion and dysphoria.
I wanted to say more but I don’t know what to say right now.
Maybe I could elaborate on feelings of isolation, or the gender stuff?
Isolation: meh.
Gender stuff: Sometimes/often/currently(?) I feel more like a demigirl than a guy but have no energy/confidence to present that way I want to look more feminine but I don’t know how right now in a way that would be comfortable. This makes me feel further invisible on top of the fact that I barely ever see anybody.
If anyone can recommend places I could find support online, that would be awesome. I’ve been trying to find nonbinary support groups this evening. Waiting for approval from some facebook ones. It feels super awkward to just write about my problems to strangers though. I don’t know.
My writing group also ends in a few weeks and I’m wanting to find a way to continue to be a part of a poetry community. It’s been really critical during this past year.
Anyway, blah blah blah. Maybe I’ll write more later or tomorrow or you know, 3 months from now.
Elliott DeLine, Author 