A good day.

Today was a good day. My elliptical arrived, and I exercised on that for about 15 minutes. Afterwards I felt like I wanted to do yoga, so I did that for another 10 minutes. I know it doesn’t sound like much, but it completely changed my day. It brought me into my body. I’m going to try to do this short routine everyday.

I also practiced guitar. I’m getting a little better at finger picking. I feel encouraged. I have another lesson tomorrow.

In the earlyish morning, around maybe 8-9:30, Joey and I walked down to the pine grove and had a camp fire. We just talked and chilled and it was really lovely.

I set up these dresser things today for myself, which is actually a big deal because I usually suck at putting things together and need help. It’s giving me some hope that I’ll be able to help with building projects on the farm, and hopefully our little cabin we want to build.

Writing classes are going well. I got more positive feedback on my poetry from the teacher, who is a published poet. She really didn’t have any suggestions, she just said it was a very strong poem. Here, I’ll share it:

Two Selves

The child says he will not sleep

Until he writes the perfect poem.

The adult says, yes, he will

And turns out the light.

The child says he’s afraid of the dark.

He’s afraid to sleep.

He’s afraid of nightmares.

The adult says, β€œI love you.

You’re safe.

Hold my hand.”

I really do like it, but I thought other people might find it a little sappy. People in the class really loved in though. I decided to include it in the zine I’m making of my poetry. That’s another thing I’m working on.

So, zines. Ha. My printer/scanner/copier arrived Saturday and I got right to work on it. Worth mentioning I also set up my printer, which I’ve never done. It really shows that my focus and confidence are getting better (thanks ketamine treatments!). Anyway, I made a zine for the first time very manically. I’m not sure I should use that word, because it only lasted a few hours, but it felt like mania. I was working too fast and I’m lucky I didn’t cut myself with the scissors or something. I was just kind of pulling things viciously from sketchbooks and notebooks and slapping them onto pages with glue, making a but of a mess. It turned out pretty…meh. But I tried again when I was in a calmer state of mind, and I’m not doing it all in one setting. So it’s going better. I want to make it available to people soon.

I’m feeling pretty good, given the circumstances of things. I’m really fucking lucky to live in such an isolated and beautiful place. I’ve had the privilege to shut it all out often. The past few weeks I’ve still been struggling with really high anxiety. It manifests as worrying about what I’m doing with my day, but I know it’s really because of the state of things in this country. I’d say I’m a little depressed, but nothing severe like the past. Just a little lethargy and lack of motivation some days. But I’ve been doing a good job of filling up my time anyway

Oh, this is cool, I’m going to be teaching a peer led class at PROS (Personal Recovery Oreinted Services). I’m going to teach poetry.

The queer writer’s group I started on zoom went great yesterday. There were 6 of us, and 3 were nonbinary. We shared our work and we had a really good talk about isolation as queers and not being able to dress up and go out, and how it’s actually a big deal. That was like a breath of air for me, seriously. I’m pretty lonely and talking with other queers was so validating.

All the animals are well. Family is well. I guess that’s all I have to say for tonight. Thanks for reading.

Oh, I also added a page on this site for my art, so check that out if you’re interested. I’m posting more soon.