Here is something I wrote tonight during our ten minute writing sessions. I’ve italicized the prompt.
To find out who you are is perhaps an impossible task. Some find it comforting that we are everchanging and that the ego is an illusion. I still find that scary. I think about these questions when I do my treatments. It’s best if I can be outside, looking at the skyline.
I like living out here, away from the rushing world. There are political signs and flags that I find infuriating and frightening, but mostly we live under the radar. I’d like to keep it like that Though it makes me angry that we even have to think this way.
It feels almost silly. Denial is strong. I find myself thinking it’s all just too dramatic. Too cinematic. The pandemic, the political unrest….it’s truly unreal. I wonder what else is coming. I feel so removed. I barely consume news and get my headlines from Joey. He’s extremely on top of it.
Sometimes I feel guilty about this, but it’s vital I protect my mental health right now. Paranoia can be a problem. In 2016 I was hospitalized shortly after the election. One of the things I believed was that nazis would be coming for us in the night. This was among other wild ideas, and I was definitely unwell. But it’s not that paranoid of a thought now, if you ask me. I can’t even imagine what’s next.
I also would like to point out that for undocumented immigrants, this “being taken away” is already a reality. It’s happening. Also for people of color, with regard to the police. I guess my sense of “unrealness” is my white privilege showing.
Anyway, I started with the idea of “finding out who you are.” I guess now is really the time for that, huh?