Long Overdue Post Part 5: February 2020.

So I ended up in the hospital. What was funny was I chose that day to be brave and dress more femininely than usual. You probably know if you’re reading this that I was assigned female at birth and transitioned to male about ten years ago. Well, I now identify as something between male and female, and often I want to express my femininity and feel too anxious about being judged. So that day I wore some eye makeup and a red camisole. Anyway, I was super nervous with the doctors. A male nurse made a comment about my polar bear print socks, basically teasing, but I was like, “whatever, I’m proud of them!”

Erica was with me the whole time. She went and bought me an amazing gluten and corn free dinner from one of our favorite restaurants in Ithaca, The Heights. I had salmon in the hospital! She is an amazing friend and advocated for me. She was helping explain to the nurse that I am afraid of needles and blood and can faint, even just talking about veins for instance. Erica said, “I mean this in the most loving way, but basically treat Elliott like a five year old.” This cracked me up because it’s true, and it actually helped with my comfort throughout my stay.

So after they did some tests, they confirmed that I did have a heart attack. However, the doctor had no idea why. He asked me if I used cocaine or any stimulants and I said no, because I have never used those. He said that he’s never seen a healthy person my age with the elevated troponin levels I had. Now, looking back, I wonder if it was Covid-19. Check out this article about the virus causing heart problems.

Joey flew back from Florida as quickly as he could and was there for me every day. They even let him stay overnight one time. I had a nurse who would not listen to me. I was having chest pain again, and she kept insisting it was just anxiety. I wasn’t even that anxious at that point. I was on the phone with Joey the whole time. We asked to speak with the oncall doctor and he said the same thing. What the fuck? I just had a heart attack!

Eventually she gave me morphine for the pain and they agreed to let Joey stay over the night and keep and eye on me. I was very drugged and wrote my will and told Joey all the things I wanted him to know if I died. I barely remember it, but I still have the will. It’s all pretty sad, but maybe a little dramatic. It’s actually pretty hilarious in parts. I give instructions for caring for my succulents. I also drew a picture of a ghost on it. Oh morphine.

This one is a little short, but I’ve been delayed in getting it up, so I think I’ll leave it there for now. I want to work on another writing project today before I lose my steam. Thanks for reading.